Every day thousands of people experience challenges and difficulties in love and relationships, with one of the toughest of these being the heartbreak that often results after a sudden break-up with someone they love.
When people experience a sudden break-up in a relationship, there can be intense feelings of hurt, rejection, abandonment, loss, sadness, grief, anger, loneliness, unworthiness or even feeling unloved. Whether people are together for a short or longer period of time, the emotions that are experienced after a break-up can be incredibly intense and painful as they deal with the loss and grief around no longer being with the person they love as well as the possibilities they might have held for the relationship in the future.
Generally speaking, people move through a break-up in stages, initially reacting with a sense of shock and disbelief, sometimes denying that it even happened at some level in order to avoid painful emotions so that they feel safe and protected. This is normally followed by an intensely emotional period where they begin feeling the pain, hurt, sadness, frustration, guilt, remorse over things they did or didn’t do, unforgiveness towards self or the other person as well as possibly feelings of life being chaotic and scary. This is when people can begin to release anger, lash out and even lay blame, warranted or unwarranted, for the break-up, their role or the other persons role within it as well as asking themselves questions such as ‘Why’ or bargaining and negotiating ways to reconcile or out of the situation. As they being to realise the magnitude and reality of the break-up, it is very normal for people to feel a sense of emptiness, despair and sad reflection where they may begin to isolate themselves in order to reflect on the things they did and the memories which were created, all a part of the healing process.
Once the reality of the break-up has been accepted things become a little calmer and feelings of hurt, sadness and loss begin to lift. This is when it is important to start adjusting to life without the other person by getting back to normal everyday life, seeking realistic solutions to practical problems which may present themselves as well as organising and reconstructing personally and physically. This is the time for dealing with the reality and finding ways to move forward by actually planning things for the future, anticipating good times to come and even finding joy again in the experience of living.
If you are dealing with grief and loss as a result of a sudden break-up, you may find these tips helpful to finding your inner strength so that you are able to move on:
Let Go & Heal: Emotions are part of what you are meant to experience as a normal part of life, it is important that you allow yourself to experience any pain, sadness and hurt fully, and that you do not hide it, avoid it or try to escape from it. Remember everyone experiences emotions like these at some point in their life, it is just about learning to feel them and then let them go so that you can begin the process of healing yourself.
Move into Acceptance & Trust: It is important to accept the situation and break-up as this is the first step in healing, finding peace and joy in your life again so that you can begin moving on. Trust that for whatever reason this person isn’t meant to be with you or in your life right now, that Spirit, God, Universe is looking out for you and that your life is unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to.
Be Honest with Yourself: Take some time each day to connect to and be honest with yourself about what is happening for you physically, mentally and emotionally by taking some deep breaths, writing down what you are feeling, the reasons for any hurt, any fears - never be loved again, worried about what others are saying - as well as any other reasons why there might be resistance to healing, acceptance, forgiveness and moving on.
Find Strength and Support: Find what allows you to feel confident, strong and supported whether it is friends and family, books, meditations, workshops, journaling, affirmations, visualisations, connecting with Spirit, trying new activities and hobbies or seeking support from relevant professionals
Start Taking Action: It is important to being finding balance between grieving your loss and moving forward in life, to stop looking inward and start looking outside of you, towards happy, loving, supportive and more fulfilling experiences, by taking physical action and steps towards the new
Pay Attention: As Alexander Graham Bell said “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Start looking for and paying attention to what new doorways may have opened up for you now, the gifts that the experience has provided you with, identify any new opportunities which were not available to you before as well as ways that you can rebuild your life.
Faith, courage, hope, and trust: Are all qualities you need to nurture and embrace, knowing that the best is yet to come –you must be willing to believe!
While there may be a period of grief and loss after a sudden break-up, it is important to gather up the strength and courage to take the steps necessary to move forward and create more fulfilling and satisfying relationships in the future. Remember that every person and relationship is a gift to help you learn and grow into a move loving, joyful and happy version of you, embrace the gifts and let go of the rest! If you are looking for clarity, support or guidance aroound your relationships or to find strength after a break-up, then book in for a reading today!
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