As I sit here with Spirit this afternoon, I am guided to ask you to come and listen to a story about a thing called Shame, a fear-based emotion, barely exposed and often fed, then one day it was brought into the open air, and up through the cosmos it was returned to love. Shame that is, black tar looking energy, Toxic with a T.
Shame is a toxic fear-based emotion, an experience of an emotional wound, which comes to the surface as a result of limiting beliefs such as 'I am a failure', 'I am bad', 'I am a mistake', ‘I am unworthy’ or ‘I am unlovable’ which in truth threatens your very integrity and core of who you are as a divine being here on this planet. Shame often presents as a result of trauma or loss, real or perceived, from the early years of life and can be caused by a variety of events or situations such as:
Significant loss or threat to basic safety and security
Parental withdrawal and rejection
Unresolved intense painful emotions
Betrayal by others
Broken trust through disapproval or humiliation
High standards and expectations from parents
Feelings of not being loved
Punishment for failure
Humiliation over expression of vulnerability, distress, crying or pain
Criticism, cruel teasing and name calling
Physical discipline (harsh)
Sexual or other forms of abuse
Morally inappropriate behaviour and public exposure
Feeling different in clothing, body size or physically
Embarrassment, bullying and ridicule by peers
Inequality and being looked down on by others
Judgement, blaming and guilt trips
If as a child you experienced significant levels of emotional pain or trauma from experiences of shame like those listed above in your life, this if unhealed can leave you believing that you are 'unlovable', ‘unworthiness’ ‘devalued’, ‘dirty’, ‘bad’ or that "all of me is bad" and alter your basic trust of others. If left unresolved, this toxic energy can also create a fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being vulnerable, found out, exposed, failure and further humiliated resulting in excess worry about what others think, reactions of rage, anger or embarrassment, so you protect yourself by shutting down, going silent, withdrawing, distancing yourself, hiding away, shrinking yourself down, making yourself small, isolating yourself, putting on a mask or building walls so that no one can get in and find out who you really are. Essentially, it is shame that chips away at your self-worth/self-esteem and confidence.
Brené Brown, a well-known expert on shame and how it can affect your life, suggests that shame cannot survive being spoken because it is grown through silence, secrecy and judgement and that any emotional pain or trauma from experiences of shame can be healed through empathy which stops its growth. The following tips may help you to process, heal and resolve any feelings of shame so that you are able to move forward with love, peace and freedom:
Recognise where shame is located in your body, take the time to allow yourself to actually feel it and connect with it physically, be with the emotion don't supress it
Give shame a colour, a symbol or a shape and visualise moving this energy out of your field, or use your breath to move it almost like you are giving birth to it, allowing it to dissipate and dissolve
Identify the ways in which you feel you have failed in life or how you are wrong
Describe the hurt, sadness, anger, humiliation and embarrassment, whether you write or verbalise them, as this allows you to break through to any hidden or numbed emotions
Reconnect with the original experience of shame and describe your experience(s), looking at the person(s) who triggered the feelings of humiliation or rejection the potential cause(s), reasons and whether this was connected to their own shame
Determine if the shame is yours or someone else’s and if you have internalised someone else’s, release it back to the Universe with love and gratitude for the learning
Speak your truth with a loving, caring and empathic individual who accepts you completely as you are, who will listen and not step into judgement of your experiences so that broken trust from the past can be regained and built
Discuss any experiences of failure, admit to your faults and discretions in a safe space, whether in a journal or with someone you trust
Use laughter and positivity to reduce any worries or tension, especially in situations where you may feel fearful, as this will help build your self-esteem and confidence
Learn to accept and embrace yourself exactly as you are by taking back your self-worth by putting yourself first and asking for what you need
Adopt and use a mantra to shift into new beliefs, for example 'I am good", "i am worthy", "I am loveable" and imagine what your new life looks, sounds and feels like
Well, now that you have heard the story about a thing called shame, the fear-based emotion, which has been exposed, brought into the open air, fed with empathy and returned to the cosmos as love, it’s time to say goodbye. I’d like to thank you for dropping in, and invite you to pick up the phone, talk to someone who can hold the space for you to clear it, someone who will not judge your experiences or feelings, who will simply embrace you, demonstrate empathy, kindness and love. To have a Sacred Soul Session to give you a heap of help and support so you begin letting your guard down, remove any walls protecting your heart and are able to know that you are lovable, worthy and valued exactly as you are!
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