As I sit here this morning with Spirit, I am asked to share with you some insights and information around betrayal, the impact this can have on you as well as ways in which you can heal and move forward with more faith and trust after having experienced this emotional wound.
Betrayal, is a heavy and toxic energy which is associated with experiencing the harsh reality of having your sense of trust violated resulting in feelings of shock, grief, anger, hurt, sadness as well as the isolation and confusion that follows. It can be experienced in a variety of ways with different people in your life including through abuse, affairs, divorce, lying, cheating, deceit, stealing, broken promises, the revelation of secrets, shattered perceptions, disloyalty, deliberate hurtful behaviour, carelessness, personal weaknesses or hurt through others putting their own self-interest first. Betrayal is probably the most devastating loss that you can experience because it erodes and shatters the most important aspect of relationships, your sense of trust in others and results in deeply painful emotions of loss and grief.
It is important to remember that if you have experienced or are currently experiencing betrayal, it is NEVER about you, it is ALWAYS about the other person CHOOSING to engage in the pattern of behaviour. You do not make someone lie, you do not make someone cheat, you do not make someone deliberately or carelessly hurt you, you do not make someone break promises, you do not make someone steal or deceive you, they make a choice somewhere along the way to do so. The only role you played was choosing to place your trust in the person in the first place, which you may need to take a deeper look at and identify if there are any patterns around placing your trust and faith in the wrong people.
If you have experience a betrayal, in whatever form it may take, you must allow yourself to move through the following stages of the healing process and to ensure that you have loving support from those you do trust while you do:
Shock: This is where you may experience numbness, denial, powerlessness, rage, calmness and feel like running away because you at crisis point, in shock, disbelief, anger, devastation, sadness and may want retribution.
Loss: This is where you experience the loss of and start grieving the person you thought you knew because you had no foundation to cushion the pain you are now experiencing
Missing: This is where you begin grieving the actual person, which can be felt on an incredibly intense level, may judge yourself and feel embarrassed to tell anyone about your experiences
Self-blame and Humiliation: This is where the person who betrayed you has long gone and you begin dealing with feelings which remain including the loss of trust in yourself, unconscious feeling of powerlessness, early childhood betrayal, abandonment and rejection, believe you are unlovable or unworthy, criticize yourself for having known and not letting yourself see the truth or for simply not knowing at all
Letting go: This is where the day finally arrives where you are able to let go of the hurt and pain from betrayal, learn from your experience, where you no longer blame yourself or feel stupid, where you do not feel compelled to fix others, or make them see that they are wrong
Forgiveness: This is where you feel emotionally safe to forgive for you to be able to move forward, where you can start taking care of yourself, accepting the person for who they are (does not mean accepting their behaviour) and wishing them the healing they need and you are able to fully open your heart again – it is not healthy to forgive anyone who is still hurting you so you have to be ready to take this step
In order to move past your experience of betrayal, it is important to allow yourself to not become stuck in a bad moment forever and to betray your own betrayal by putting the experience behind you for good by embracing faith. You can embrace faith by:
Meditate for a few minutes each day and clearing out any old memories, thoughts, emotions or patterns linked to betrayal and asking to be filled with faith in your ability to trust others again
Detach from any pain, frustration and bitterness through engaging in daily practice of forgiveness, where you strive to forgive one person a day.
Let go of and walk away from people who are not right for you, who you don’t trust, you feel are not trustworthy or who act in bad faith being selective about the people you bring into your life for your own well-being and only surrounding yourself with those who inspire faith
Slowly piece your faith back together by redeveloping a sense of confidence in the good of others and to be willing to trust again
Surround yourself with people who have faith, are rebuilding their faith in others, who are positive, wonderful, honest people who want to earn your trust
Start trusting yourself again by a reaffirming your faith and making new promise to yourself each month, taking small daily steps towards keeping that promise so that it becomes a habit as this will help you to develop a deep, strong and unbreakable bond with your ability to know, have faith and trust yourself
Vision and daydream your ideal future filled with faith and trust and imagine that you are worthy, loved, loveable and complete exactly as you are each and every day
Take a leap of faith where you make a decision or choice that is based on pure faith, follow your intuition and start acting on your faith
Pick two people to trust unconditionally whether a partner, family member, friend or colleague any two people who you know would never harm you in any way and put your faith in them to teach you that there are still honest, good hearted people you can confide in within the world
Remember that betrayal is NEVER about you, so it is important for you to be able to identify early on in your relationships whether a person’s level of commitment to being truthful and honest by paying attention to their behaviour rather than their words.
If you feel you need help and support to move through an experience with betrayal and to rebuild your trust and faith, then book in for a session or program today!
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