Updated: Feb 22
Kick off your shoes, relax and lets have a have a conversation about one of the most biggest red flags of an unhealthy, unloving and abusive form of communication in relationships whether with your partner, friends, family, colleagues, clients or even strangers .... "name calling".
Name-calling is a low vibrational, fear-based, toxic energy and pattern of behaviour that comes out verbally whether calling someone a 'bitch', 'useless', 'annoying', 'coward', 'pathetic', 'stupid', 'ugly', 'lazy', 'ungrateful', 'jerk'm 'whore', 'worthless', 'fat', 'unlovable', 'piece of shit' or any other words that are designed to exert control and power over someone and leave them feeling undervalued or unloved. It is essentially a form of bullying and abuse that does not consider the feelings of the person receiving the words and often happens as a result of holding onto emotional pain, hurt, disappointment and sadness, allowing it to build up until it explodes into a verbal tirade of arrows and daggers sent out across the tongue, teeth, cheeks and mouth towards someone else rather than expressing their fears in ways that are healthy and loving. Name-calling can and does hurt the person's feelings, chips away at their self-esteem, impacts their level of confidence and who they believe they are in the world and potentially creates long-term effects on their ability to form healthy loving relationships.
If you have been subjected to any form of 'name-calling' whether as a young child, adolescent or even as an adult, you may start questioning yourself or believing the insults, experience episodes of depression, anxiety and confusion, headaches or migraines, fatigue, nightmares and flashbacks, be insecure and lack self-confidence. You may also develop a variety of strategies to cope whether it is addictions (alcohol, drugs, sex or gambling etc) to escape, passive-aggressive behaviour, remove yourself or walk away completely, going quiet or giving the silent treatment, make yourself busy, telling them to leave you alone or just agreeing with them to keep the peace, feel like you are constantly in survival mode or become a name caller continuing the cycle. If you have been the subject of this unhealthy toxic pattern of communication then you can either continue allowing yourself to be their verbal and emotional punching bag or you can:
Stand up for yourself and let the person know that their verbal abuse and bullying is not acceptable, you have every right to say 'enough' and 'no more'
Take 100% responsibility for what you allow from people by no longer allowing people who are filled with fear, negativity, toxic energy to project their unhealed emotional and mental wounds onto you and surround yourself with people who are filled with loving, compassionate and healthy energy so you learn to form healthy loving relationships in your life
Set healthy boundaries where you make it clear that you will no longer continue to communicate with people who engage in the unhealthy pattern of name-calling and that you will engage in healthy loving way where each person is being respected
Observe the behaviour, if the energy and words do not feel right or true for you then trust it is the other person's story and do not allow yourself to get sucked into what they are saying and do not engaging with the energy
Create stability for yourself by taking the time and energy you need away from the 'name-caller' to heal the 'ouch' and find what feels loving, joyful and healthy for you
Increase your confidence and self-esteem by engaging in activities that you are passionate about, that you are good at, that support you in knowing that you are worthy, loved and valuable just as you are
Now if you have ever engaged in 'name-calling' (and we all have - we are not saints), this verbal rant may allow you to win an argument, easy your boredom, be just for fun or give you the outcome you desire, bringing with it an instant sense of relief from whatever mental or emotional storm that was brewing under the surface. However, it does not heal the original issue pain, hurt, trauma within you or bring you the relief, change the pattern or behaviour in the long term, it has a destructive and negative impact on your relationships and is essentially verbal abuse .... so stop it!!! Learn how to acknowledge your own emotions and pain, get help and support from a counsellor or therapies, understand how to communicate with people in healthy and loving ways, because words really do have the power to create your reality and affect and impact everyone around you as well as the person you are projecting.
If you look at this from the perspective of words being energy that have the power to create or destroy, then it is clear that name-calling is destructive and that people who engage in this pattern are filled with fear-based toxic energy that they are projected towards someone else, rather than being filled with loving, compassionate and healthy energy. Trust what is true and right for you, and remember, you have the power to put an end to the destructive pattern of name-calling in any of your relationship, by standing up for yourself and saying 'enough' because YOU ARE ENOUGH!
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