Rejection & The Approval Trap
Updated: Aug 31, 2020
As I sit here with Spirit, I have been guided to share some insights and wisdom around the manifesting our needs, wants and desires in life and how the energy we put out into the Universe through our actions and behaviours can sabotage our success whether in our relationships, in the workplace or with our finances, health and well-being or our spiritual development.
A common sabotage pattern for many people is around seeking external approval or validation, which can create obstacles, challenges, problems in your life and move you away from what you desire. This pattern is essentially about a fear of rejection, which results in an unconscious wanting to keep you safe and protect you from disappointment, hurt or failure by looking for, seeking or needing external approval, attention and validation from others that you are in fact successful, good enough and worthy.
When you are playing out this sabotage pattern you are essentially engaging in people pleasing behaviours, striving for perfection, changing your point of view to match others, always saying yes to requests, compromising your own boundaries, failing to speak up, feeling upset or insulted when someone disagrees with you. When you engage in these behaviours you are putting on a façade, wearing a mask and adapting your personality, interests and behaviours to match others around you and unconsciously avoiding disapproval, feeling uncomfortable and being rejected. This will often leave you constantly feeling like you are going to be "found out", you not being your authentic self and threatens your self-confidence, self-esteem and worthiness.
You are only able to accept what you think you deserve, so it is important to take responsibility for transforming and shifting your approval-seeking behaviours, which you can do by:
Go within: Reflect and ask yourself where your need for approval comes from? What is driving your need for external approval or validation? Who is it really that you are looking for acceptance from?
Embrace rejection: Get to know how rejection feels in your body, connect with it, communicate with it and ask it what change it is inviting you to make.
Shift your perspective: Look at every situation, experience or relationship in your life as an opportunity that has been brought into your reality to help you improve, learn and grow so you can step further into alignment with your authentic self
Let go of expectations: When you are attached to or expecting something to work out in a particular way for you or for someone to be a particular way, which puts pressure on them as you are focusing too narrowly on a single outcome or way people can be in the world. This also results in you attaching your self-worth to something or someone external of you - which can always be removed or may be outside of your control.
At the end of the day, you are the only person you have and are the only person you need to take responsibility for and are accountable to. Take the time to come back to you and work on approving of and accepting yourself, which is essential for you to be authentic, in alignment and integrity with who you are, what you need, want and desire in life. This is how you start embracing happiness, success and fulfilment long-term, from the inside out .... once you master this, the experiences, situations and relationships you attract and manifest in your external world will mirror back to you the love that you already are!
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