Do you allow your partner to be overly dependent or reliant on you for help and support? Do you attempt to please your partner, putting yourself last and them first, even at your own expense? Are you feeling like you have no choices to bring about changes in situations, experiences or your relationship? Do you find yourself, for one reason or another, staying in or going back to a relationship which no longer allows you to feel fulfilled, valued, supported, respected, or loved? Are you holding back, bottling, swallowing or not expressing thoughts and feelings with your partner when you feel upset, hurt, angry or confused?
These are some of the most common signs that you may need to create self-love boundaries so that you are able to gain a clearer sense of who you are as an individual as well as within your relationships. Self-love boundaries are personal guidelines about how you need to receive love, what you are prepared to accept, willing to tolerate, what makes you feel comfortable, uncomfortable, peaceful or stressed. They are fantastic tools to help you to be able to choose how you will allow others to treat you, help you to define where you end and your partner begins and to be able to accept support, nurturing and love in your relationship. Self-love boundaries also help you to take personal responsibility and respect yourself, as well as be able to easily recognise this in others and attract (or stay in) healthy relationships.
The first and most important step in creating healthy boundaries of self-love, is to get to know what is important for you in your everyday life and in your relationship. To do this you need to be consciously aware of and acknowledge where you are at right now and to be willing to take the steps to learn what it is that you are comfortable. You can do this by spending some focused time and energy on looking at what you are comfortable with in the following areas:
Physical - your body, personal space, physical touch, sexual orientation & expression, privacy, clothing, shelter (home), environment, noise, body language, safety, money, time
Mental and Emotional - values, beliefs, thoughts, ideas, feelings, decisions, relationships, sense of responsibility, ability to be intimate with others
Spiritual - religion, spiritual practices, connection to intuition, higher self, guides, spirit, god (whatever god means to you)
Once you understand what you are comfortable with, what self-love looks like for you, it will make it easier for you to be able to recognise the areas in your relationship where you need to establish boundaries or where they can be improved.As you learn what your boundaries are and commit to strengthening them, each and every day, you are provided with an opportunity to build love for self, honour, respect and value you, which brings more freedom for you to create healthy and meaningful connections and relationships within your life.
If you need help and support with understanding who you are and what you need or to create and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships, then book an appoinmtment with me today!
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