What is intimacy? It is essentially the ability to be authentic and honest in your relationships, being willing to show someone else your inner world and is the core of being connected with others in the world from a space of love rather than fear. Being intimate with another person provides you with an opportunity to understand yourself and them better, draws you closer, allows you to feel nurtured, connected as well as understood and loved, by yourself and others in healthy, more joyful and fulfilling ways. To experience and be intimate with another person, it is essential that you are in the moment because when you are present with someone you are able to effectively communicate that they matter, they are worthy, are important, that you care and want to hear what they have to say and you are honouring them for showing up in your life, while at the same time honouring yourself. To step into this space of being intimate with others, it is important that you know yourself first and foremost, what your values, beliefs are and what makes you tick and to then be able to trust enough to bare all (without hesitation).
While we all have innate desires for love and intimacy, fears around communication, respect, abandonment, trust, loss, rejection, shame and humiliation can be common blockages to expanding and growing within your relationships. It is how you go about building intimacy in your relationships that can create a beautiful solid foundation upon which you can both thrive and flourish or it can create weeds, stress and wither away your self-confidence and self-respect (if you allow it of course). A solid foundation of intimacy in any relationship is built on respect, honour, communication and trust.
Now, we all get together with family, friends and even colleagues, whether physically or the phone or internet, and talk with each other, share stories about what has been taking place in our lives, listen to what it is that the other person has been experiencing, essentially building a relationship, connection that is based on being intimate with each other. It is important to remember that real intimacy does not include gossiping, sharing things or information that is not yours to share, talking bad about others, it in fact dishonours not only you but those that you talk about, disconnects you, pushes you further apart, creates unhealthy feelings of anxiety, insecurities, doubts and fears and most importantly it breaks trust. So, today Spirit and I would like to ask you to take a small adventure where you reflect on the relationships, friendships and connections that you currently have in your life and ask yourself the following questions:
How do they feel?
Do they nurture, support and honour you and the other person?
Do you feel connected as well as understood and loved?
Do you feel as if there is mutual respect and trust between you?
Is the communication open and honest?
Do you address any obstacles or challenges that come up directly with the other person or do you go around sharing your relationship details with or engaging in gossip about them?
Does the other person gossip to you about other friends or people in their lives?
Are you both willing to learn and grow together?
Are you able to effectively communicate that they matter, are worthy, important to you and that you care for them? And they can do the same in return?
Are you both able to listen to each other so that you really hear, accept and acknowledge what each other has to say?
Do you know what you value most in life? Do you share similar values and beliefs?
Is there physical, emotional, mental and spiritual attraction that allows you to draw closer to each other?
Are you able to trust them enough to bare all (without hesitation)? Can they do the same with you in return?
I am sure you, like most people crave more intimacy in your relationships and life, where you are known, seen, heard, accepted and you can give love and be loved deeply in return. To experience and be intimate with another person, it is essential that you are honest in answering the above questions, you remain in the moment and stay present with them so you are able to build solid foundations within your relationship that are built on honesty, trust, self-disclosure, respect, appreciation, interdependence and togetherness.
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